Every week, something else is "hot" in the deaf blogosphere. Looks like this week, it is that adopted deaf girl being returned by her adoptive parents.
(So far)
As bad as this is, it doesn't happen only to deaf children! It can happen to perfectly normal hearing children too. A couple of months ago, there was a big storm in the blogosphere about a couple, the Poeterays, that returned their adopted daughter after having had her since she was a baby, for seven years. One of their excuses was that the child could not adjust to their culture. Here is just one of the numerous articles that appeared about that case. A search of the blogosphere will turn up hundreds if not thousands of posts about that case.
Disruptions do happen with some frequency in adoption, both domestic and international. There is even an agency in Ohio that specializes in finding homes for children from disrupted adoptions. Children in adoption disruptions are frequently older, leading to a myth that if you adopt only younger children, you will avoid problems. It is not the age of the child that makes the difference. It is the quality of the care the child had. A baby who was the victim of abuse and/or neglect is more at risk than an older child who had the benefit of loving, quality care.
As for this little girl that everyone is saying they hope finds a good home...don't worry. Demand for adoptable deaf children, particularly girls, is so high that the adoption agency will probably find a long line of prospective parents outside its door. I know this from my past experience in operating the Deaf Adoption News Service (I no longer run it). Some family is going to be very lucky to get her. Her former adoptive parents' loss.
Monday, January 28, 2008
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8 comments:
Thank you for your positive outlook for the little girl. Is there any way for us to know that the little girl is safe in her new family? I'm very aware that the adoption agency is very sensitive toward the privacy of the child/family and highly confidental..
Just a mind-boggling expereince for me!! When my husband and I were in China, we saw a couple arguing in front of their baby (she must be around 10 months old) for several evenings in the dining room. Then, the couple did not have their baby with them anymore, we knew that they decided to return the beautiful baby. Then, we. the group flew together to USA - that couple remained childless. Everyone in the group avoided them as if they had leprosy. I cannot fathom their decision - it's like as if they decided that they didn't like the baby enough to adopt. I have read some stories that the mothers didn't 'love' their newborn babies for first few days - their thoughts were wild and negative. Then, they finally fell in love with their babies. For me, I instantly fell in love with my kids at the first few seconds after I got the referral photos.. Even much more in love when I embraced them in my arms.
It's still too hard for me to understand and accept this. Thanks for hearing me out..
I do hope that this little girl finds a family! I think it took courage for that family to recognize that they couldn't give her what was needed.
Kim,
It is normal to need time to learn to love a child, birth or adopted. I have learned this from reading and also personal experience.
If that couple you saw decided not to parent, good for them. You don't have all the facts, and it may be that they realized they were not ready to be parents. Or maybe there was a legitimate reason for not going through with the adoption. Sometimes parents arrive in the foreign country and discover that their referred child has such severe disabilities (particularly mental) that they can not go through with the adoption.
The fact that the couple returned childless indicates that most likely they decided they were not ready to parent. They were within their rights to request another referral while in country.
I have been reading about this terrible situation in a lotta places; however, I have to ask for a more credible news source than a blog...no offense but that's the way it's supposed to be done. Can anyone provide same? I can't so....
DT
I blogged about this too and included the statistics for disrupted adoptions. I am a foster/adoptive parent with a child who has Ushers Syndrome 1, so this story really hit home for me. My blog is http://ushersmom.blogspot.com
I hope all does turn out well for this child. I know personally, of a child, who is going through his 2nd disruption. He is only 5yrs old and was adopted internationally in 2007. His first "family," and I use that loosely, has since adopted 2 other children. The second family plans to adopt again, as soon as he "has a new home." What if either of these families or any family that disrupts, had given birth to these children. Would they then turn around and "re-home" them? I think that once you disrupt, for whatever reason, you should not be allowed to adopt again. No one speaks directly of this poor child, now going on his third name, and abandonment, everyone walks on eggshells as if this is OK. To recognize you cannot parent, OK; I hope you first have tried counseling, parenting support, etc. But then to adopt again. As an adoptive parent I believe we have even more of a responsibility to that child. We chose to adopt them. We made a decision to do so, we didn't just accidentally get pregnant. I am always appalled by the fact that no agency tracks these and parents whom disrupt can just continue on. I believe this speaks volumes about the integrity of our society and the value we fail to place on our children.kjbuo
I am very new at this blogging stuff so bear with me. My husband and I are in the middle of an international adoption right now, but last night we met with some people from church and a pastor from Kenya, and I heard for the first time the words Disrupted adopted kids. All last night I could not sleep well because those children were on my mind. This morning my husband said the same thing. We think that God may be telling us that we need to not go to Ethiopia to adopt a child, we need to look right here for one that needs a new home. There was a post that said there is an agency in Ohio that specilized in this. I would love to find this agency and get in touch with them.
A Caucasian couple in my church were all set to adopt a ten year old African American boy. He had been their foster child for a year after nearly being killed by his biological mother. Her parental rights were terminated. The boy called them Mom and Dad and they referred to him as "our youngest son." Then his biological father showed up and wanted him. Social services decided this man, who had never bothered to contact the child or showed any interest in him before, deserved a chance, so they gave the boy to him. Two years later, the boy was back in foster care after his father started drinking and using drugs. The couple who had wanted to adopt him were no longer interested. They said too much time had passed and he had "picked up too many bad habits". Such a shock for some of us, remembering how they had considered him a son just two years earlier.
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